Do you remember anything rude that someone close to you has said when tired, drunk, under the influence of some mind altering prescription drugs or just for no excuse? It seems we are supposed to forgive rude things said and terrible things done because of those kind of excuses. But why?
I’m still angry about what my stepsister shouted at me some years ago. I helped her set up her new computer, and was to share a bunch of photos with her. Add all the stress and whatever excuses you want, but she started screaming and shouting at me and kept going on for a long time (time blurs, so at least half an hour of a dramatic shouting with a red face and rude vile words pouring out of her mouth loudly at me). My photos were so shitty to her taste and so on. She went on and on, and later went to sleep like nothing had happened. I can’t deal on a constructive way when people are shouting loudly at me (as on some lizard brain level I’m still expecting it to escalate to physical violence), so after she’d gone to bed and popped more of her pills, I stayed in her kitchen, crying, angry, exhausted. Didn’t really sleep that night. And got all my stuff out of her place the next morning, staying the last night in her country at a friend’s place. That didn’t go on too well either, since she tried calling numerous times that evening, and sent rude texts after texts when her calls weren’t answered.
She still keeps going on about the photo bullshit, years after.
She still keeps whining how I don’t like to be her emotional dumping ground, and how I don’t have the female communication style need to talk about my emotions and physical issues with her (never have, not with her, and not with anyone else either). And she’s years after even tried to dictate which kinds of emotions she finds appropriate when remembering my parents, when none of the reflections were directed at her, and none of it was about her, or whatever she tried reading between the lines.
And she seems to think I’m supposed to just forgive all the rudeness, and go on with her, like nothing ever happened. Sigh.
Guess what. I used to like taking photos. Before what she did. Now I don’t. And I don’t particularly care to take photos of anything that would be common and usual and so on. A fair point would be also to perhaps wonder what impact might my use of assistive tech have with my photos – since I can’t exactly see what I’d be taking the photos of, which nowadays usually is what I’d take the shots of (“what’s that?” “how do I use this product? can you help read the instructions” etc). Ah and never mind with any of that either. She is thick like a fossilized skull, none of that will ever get thru either. I am just the apparently rude ugly sisterling that ruined a funeral she was at because the people in the photos didn’t have the facial expressions she wanted them to have. And if that sound utterly ridiculous, it is, and the fault with the photos was with her own words even. (And this will be later just a gentle reminder why you shouldn’t anger writers. You’ll end up behaving ridiculously or murdered in a novel as a character that you were the direct muse for). And call me silly but shouldn’t the point of functions like funerals be to remember the person you are there for, and not obsess about pointless things like capturing American style smiles on a camera (especially if living in a culture where such smiles aren’t that much used anyway, and even less used in occasions like funerals), or obsess about makeup and so on. Oh wait – that probably needs some rephrasing or adding details there. When the event seemed successful and satisfactory, as getting the vibe from the person later misbehaving, and all the drama and shouting about it started by sharing the photos. It’s at best nonsensical and bizarre, but the rude words can’t be just voided or excused. Or would you?
And when taking my space to not be available, by not replying and not answering video calls at random hours (another topic to cover later), then it all ends up about being about her emotions. Wait… what? Other than when others don’t always dance like she wishes them to, and aren’t available for her emotional rollercoasters. But life goes on, and she keeps posting photos of her grand step child, where at least she seems to capture the appropriate facial expressions (as in, would be appropriate for funerals. I don’t think the kid has ever smiled in any of her photos. In USA a two+ year old child, especially if female, that doesn’t ever smile, would be put on some medications just for that anomaly of the expected smilingness) for that child. It might be a bit more interesting to wonder why a small child never seems to smile or never looks happy at pictures, than to rant when adults don’t like sunshine in social situations where they are expected to mourn. But she’ll never get that.