It’s always about communication

Everything, both being understood and not, always seems to have to do with communication. And sometimes it seems like people’s communication styles can be so radically different… fine, I’ve written about this before. A lot. Browse thru the “interpersonal communication” tag for more. Yet it always comes back. When you try to be clear, or try to communicate, or when it feels like noone understands, or, rarely, when you find something fantastic that describes the whole experience.

What is neurotypical” describes it quite well. Except as viewing it as an autistic person’s struggles with trying to fit in and understand the neurotypicals’ communication styles, it also can describe cultural struggles, or trying to fit in the nondisabled world. Based on my experiences living in US, women tend to score high on the neurotypical spectrum. Translated: they communicate in very veiled ways, rarely saying what they mean. They leave their messages to be read hidden with what kind of intonation they use when they speak, or what kind of precise wordings they might use when avoiding saying what they mean. Or maybe, and hopefully this is the case, I’ve also had the bad experience of having dealt with people clearly suffering from their neurotypical condition. When it’s made clear you don’t fit it, with how you can’t read their facial expressions, with “how” they say something and so on. When their going far out of their way to avoid any kind of directness was never a problem… it’s always you, isn’t it?

And this is how neurotypical spectrum disorder might manifest in children.

I’ve always been an aspie. I can’t separate that from my inner being. It’s an integral part of me, and I like it. I don’t want to have it “cured” or treated to make me appear more neurotypical (read: fake). Thus, I don’t “have” autism, and certainly don’t use “with” when describing me. “Has” and “with” are for issues that are separate from one’s self. The users of person first language seem to do all the thinking for others in deciding what parts are integral of someone and which ones aren’t. “A woman with autism”? Did you ask the person if that’s how they define themselves or is that just you? I certainly know several “autistic persons who just happen to have female parts”, as a better description. As having some body parts doesn’t define self that much to everyone as it does to the neurotypical gender-binary (and rather gender-bipolar) people. Just like having been born into a family where parents subscribed to some particular religious view of the world does not guarantee that the person in question would neither subscribe to said religion as an adult nor that they would want to use it as any part of their religion.

The first link made me think of several people. How I thought I managed to be clear and not be on their way and actually have some kind of respect along the way. But looking back it all seems to boil down to neurological communication differences. And “cultural diffeences”, and “inclusion” where there is no real diversity and accessibility users aren’t welcome. Sigh… Realizing it all has in the past few years left with a quite sour taste too. If being direct and honest aren’t appreciated, then what? If I cannot rely on people’s voices to read any emotional cues because they are all fake positive then what? Oh, right – back to being in my own inner, closed world. When you don’t appreciate my world, stay out of it. My world is quiet and dark, but very sensory, and has no place for rude or loud people or fakeness. So I will be happily in my own silent and dark world as it appears in the meatspace, and share thoughts preferably by typing… in a way radically limiting my communication styles. Mostly to public, which is the access level mostly everyone with have. Only a few people know me well enough I feel I can share deeper thoughts with them in the meatspace.

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