Tuesday I went for a run around midday. First mistake: didnʻt look at phone to see what temperature it was outside. It was cold. I needed a hot shower, and was freezing all day afterwards.
Second mistake: trying to return a BARD book. Oops – didnʻt fit the outgoing mailbox. Itʻs bad enough when some Big Famous blindy tells you to call USPS to come pick it up.. (or also good? When he enjoys your humor of using VoiceOverʻs Fiona to read your voicemail record).
We went to pick something in southside of the town.
Afterwards, chli. And then he dropped me to the 7th Street. “Go one block that way, then that way”… well. So 2 minutes walk. Directions drawn in air, hands up… not useful. Did not understand where or what way.
It was really dark, and really cold.
I ended up walking 30 minutes that way, then back, on both sides of the streets to look for that building, I mean, Iʻd been there before, so I should recognize it, right? I found a random huge statue I hadnʻt seen before, and felt pretty desperate… almost ready to admit being lost, while contemplating between the dreaded stick and just nonchalantly asking. (which would be worse?)
Itʻs odd. Some voices I remember, some new ones… it feels odd being the most “accessible” in many senses of the word. It feels terrible, confusing, and difficult when you can follow a bit of visual cues but have to force yourself to do audio. I canʻt do eye makeup – just physical limitations right now. And I see itʻs future limits: any form of reading glasses will be an oxymoron to me. Traffic signs and anything with eye correction is difficult, but once the field for seeing closer will narrow, I better be a VERY fluent braille reader. Eyes…
Were the surgeries years ago worth it? I guess so. But now itʻs time for me to take direction. It can be scary, but I want and need the total confidence in all forms of eye-free life. Also as Iʻll need the other skills, to manage a non-24h life for instance…
Eyes, meaning functional vision slash usable vision slash safety slash integration… is complicated. But since all the bad eye stuff goes as deep as my circadian rhythms, it needs to be taken seriously.
Last week someone asked if I considered myself an ADA case… I said yes. In person.
And for 2-3 surveys online.
I need the skills of using screanreaders. Skills. Coping skills. And braille reading skills.
And everything else that comes with it. Because braille does not come with just a shiny blank package. Itʻs a giant box thatʻs pretty visible. Time to tackle it.
A dog would mean so much in confidence too.